There is something liberating when you wake up and say, “Nah, not today.” And what I mean is ditching “what you need to do” and doing what you want to do.
Now, let me preface this by saying some needs like waking up and taking care of your children, your health, or truly important responsibilities—still need to be done. I’m not telling anyone to abandon those things. Truth be told, I’m probably speaking more to the group that no longer has kids at home. But if you do, take note because I’m about to share what not to do after years of being a mom, a wife, and everything to everyone.
I slowly started building the life I wanted to live. The surviving part if there were an award show, I’d have plenty, I had that down to a science.
Smile (a lot, even when you don’t feel like it). Say yes, even when you want to say no. Hold your breath so the words you really want to say don’t roll off your tongue.
Get up. Take care of the children, pets, husband or wife, house, work…all of it.
For decades, it felt like I was living the same routine—like a robot. Occasionally, there’d be a sudden stomach bug or a “sky is falling” moment thrown in. But mostly, it was the same.
Ignoring my own wants and needs left me feeling like I was fighting for my life.
There was always something. And I did what most moms do…I put myself on a shelf somewhere. Every once in a while, I’d take her down and dust her off, but truth be told, my entire being revolved around my family—especially my children.
And I don’t regret one second of it.
I built a life. A business. A home that felt like safety. But those were all the “need to do’s,” not the “want to do’s.”
The hard truth? I had no idea what I actually wanted or what I should have been doing because I was too busy surviving.
(And again, I had that down to a science.)
There are two core memories: two feelings that live deep inside of me.
They come with love, peace, tranquility, excitement…that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling.
But somewhere along the way, I reserved those feelings for just two times a year.
I never realized I deserved to feel that way every single day or that I even could.
Instead, I told myself: that’s for winter…that’s for spring.
Every year, I’d build up this anticipation of “the season.” Whether it was spring cleaning or rearranging the house so everything finally felt right.
And then…life would happen.
Back to surviving.
And I started to realize I wasn’t actually enjoying the season of anything. I was chasing perfection in something I had convinced myself was temporary.
So, I would “perfectly survive,” look up, and suddenly it was time to pack it all away again.
And all I was left with…was exhaustion.
Lilacs and Christmas.
Some of you might be reading this thinking, there’s no way those two go together. And maybe you’re right, but why?
Why can’t they?
Who decided what belongs together and what doesn’t?
We slice bananas, put them on bread with peanut butter, add another slice, and walk around eating it like it’s a ham and cheese sandwich.
We put pineapple on pizza. Farmhouse aesthetics in the suburbs. Chicken on waffles. A McDonald’s in the same plaza as a Planet Fitness.
I once attended a courtyard wedding where stunning, mature cacti stood tall and there was a full balloon extravaganza.
Make that make sense.
There are hundreds of things that don’t “go together,” and yet when someone brings them together, it creates something unexpected.
Joy.
It reminds us to embrace differences. To play. To be curious. To laugh.
It shows us that strength and softness can coexist.
Jesus is the epitome of strength, yet His grace is delicate and loving. The trunk of a lilac tree is strong, yet its flowers are soft and fleeting.
When we stop forcing things into boxes, their combination often tells a different story.
And it’s beautiful.
So how did I land here?
Simplicity.
That’s the lifestyle I started striving for.
I woke up one morning, an empty nester, feeling completely lost. Like a fish out of water. And I declared that for just one day, I was going to do what I wanted to do, not what I needed to do.
When I tell you I abandoned ship that day, I mean it.
I started asking myself questions that shifted everything.
Instead of saying, “I have no idea what I want to do,” I asked, “If I knew what I wanted…what would it feel like?”
That one shift changed everything.
For so long, I was either missing that feeling or only experiencing it a couple times a year before falling right back into burnout.
But this…this changed my life.
It was no longer about going to Hobby Lobby in August just to feel Christmas for a moment.
It was no longer about looking at old photos of my grandparents’ lilac tree, trying to remember the scent before packing the feeling away again.
It was no longer about forcing myself to figure out my purpose.
I wanted to live those feelings.
Every single day. So, I started researching.
Gardening (even though I had no green thumb). Pinterest. Articles. Falling deep into Reddit threads.
And I realized something…
I wasn’t alone.
So many of us were trying to return to a time when life felt simpler. Some might call it the Gen X era before apps, before social media, before the constant noise of comparison.
Then I thought back to the pandemic.
I had my freelance business, and I watched people scramble for income, for resources, but more than anything…for connection, peace, joy.
Simplicity.
And I realized something else:
I had been searching for that same thing all along.
But I had been doing it quietly.
Quietly burning out. Quietly burying myself in work so I didn’t have to feel the weight of everything else.
Until my body forced me to stop.
I pushed myself so hard that I genuinely thought I needed to start making arrangements for myself.
And then…something shifted.
I started seeing people hang Christmas lights in the middle of the year just to feel something.
I did it too.
In September, while people were preparing for Hurricane Ian, I was scrolling Temu, ordering Christmas decor out of pure nervous energy…while also researching how to grow lilacs in Florida.
And that’s when it hit me.
The things I loved most - Christmas, lilacs - it was never about the objects.
It was about the feeling.
And I wasn’t the only one searching for it.
That was the moment everything clicked.
I realized…
I could live with lilacs like it was Christmas every day.
And that’s how Winterberry Hearth was born.
It started as a feeling.
And now, it’s a feeling I want to share so others can experience it too.
Because it doesn’t have to be December or April to feel joy, peace, and togetherness.
We’re meant to live that way every day.
Not just exist.
But live.
Maybe the question isn’t what season you’re in…
Maybe the question is what you’ve been waiting to feel.
What have you placed on a shelf, telling yourself “that’s for later”?
What feeling have you reserved for a moment that hasn’t arrived yet?
And what would it look like…
to bring it into today?
Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
Just gently.
Because maybe you were never meant to visit those feelings a few times a year…
Maybe you were meant to live there.
